Today we had a new arrival we would like to introduce. This is Flat-Pat 2.0 (AKA Flat-Dad 2.0). He came to us from the Society for a Better World with the following message:
Dear Pecunia Mom and kids,
Recently we were made aware of your familial interruption following the departure of Patrick Pecunia, husband and father, upon his enrollment in Modoc Railroad Academy. We are pleased to be sending you our latest creation; the answer to your loneliness and boredom; the companion/father figure you’ve been looking for…. FLAT-PAT (aka FLAT-DAD).
Enclosed you will find your customized replacement Patrick. As you can see we spared no expense…Flat-Pat has it all: Patrick’s winning smile, Georgia Tech T-shirt, and Flip-Flops. He really is a companion for all needs, and will keep the kids laughing with his witty repartee. And, Mrs. Pecunia, we haven’t forgotten you… you’ll be pleased to find that Flat-Pat loves doing laundry, dishes, and regular household cleaning. He is a wiz in the kitchen, and a tiger in the bedroom
But wait, that’s not all. Flat-Pat 2.0 has an important upgrade from the original Flat-Pat. After complaints that Flat-Pat was just too 2-dimentional with his one glowing facial expression, we upgraded Flat-Pat 2.0 to include his look for when he is just barely putting up with your S*@t. Notice on the reverse side of Flat-Pat 2.0 is “Not-Amused-Flat-Pat”(NAFP). NAFP has many of the same great features as the original Flat-Pat (Georgia Tech T-shirt, cargo shorts, and flip flops), but he has a few upgrades. NAFP has a half smile to imply that he doesn’t really think you are all that funny and the crucial sunglasses to hide his eyes when they are rolling back into his head. Yes, Flat-Pat 2.0 has it ALL.
We hope that you enjoy Flat-Pat 2.0 and look forward to seeing blogged documentation of all of his adventures while he is with your family.
Sincerely,
The Society for a Better World
1 comment:
So when are we taking him out for margaritas? I'm sure we'll need the NAFP for that one.
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